Journal Entry April 14th 2019
#justathought #figmentSx #draft #chelmsford
I’m preparing to move back to Nigeria after spending 8 years in Chelmsford, Essex. Most of which I have documented through my journals, portraits, projects, assignments & client work. I would very much like to reaveal & share.
(This is a very personal work in progress which I’ll be editing & tweaking as i go, expect errors think of these as notes for a polished final version)
8 years ago homeless I made friends with a few homeless people through their willingness to help me practice “lighting” by posing for me or even carrying lights or kit… lighting equipment & location shooting requires a lot of heavy lifting so if you dont have car, which i didn’t, locations where chosen were usually fairly close to home… so in a way #theotherbondstreet was probabaly inevitable since I spent so much time shooting on Bond Street even if the project was nothing to do with it.
That said I think its pretty sad that these guys (at least two of them) Ed & Kieth are still out there. Ed (Middle) spends most of his time shuttle between prison & the streets. Kieth as far as I can see is psychologically deterirating… You can tell because when you walk past him you can hear him ranting & raving, pausing briefly to acknowledge me, “You alright Shawn!” & I reply, “yeah man, Whats Gud?” This is the current greeting I’m working with, “What’s Gud?” (Really like this greeting) anyway, Kieth says what we all say, “Gud” . By now I would have i put some distance between us by stride lengthening instead of fast walking so it doesn’t look obvious… Basically, going through the motions of pretending to care yet putting distance between us so as not to be drawn in to kieths problems. He doesn’t ask me for change because he knows me & sees me as… actually I don’t know what he sees me as… I literally never think about it… I don’t want to say what I have just realised about myself & my so called humanitariansm, I always lead with as a badge of honour. At least that’s what I used to think but now for some reason I can see very clearly that its not supported by my deeds, at least not always… Don’t get me wrong, i am a humanitarian, just not a very good one… at the moment… At least I wasn’t…
This is the reason for this journal entry. I am in danger of veering completely off course if I don’t address this… Helping people has been a big part of what makes me… me. Since I got back from my TED X talk about “How Creativety Can Change the World” where I talked a big game about how we need to do this and that and how humanitarian photograpic storytelling can give a “voice to the voiceless”. I haven’t really changed anything, for anyone including me. Not yet anyway. i Have spent a lot of time demonstrating how skilled I am at the craft & trying to aquire more skills, knowledge & broadened my horizons through travel & creative indulgances.
as a result I’m suffering some kind creative consccinece crisis… I haven’t given back as much as I should be… To the point that my harddrives are all full of stories & experinces that need to be shared.
So this enetry on Sunday 14th April marks the point at which I re dedicate myself to actually helping people. I should be sharing all my techiniques & resources for people who want to free themselves creatively can use the tools & knowledge I have aquired over the past 8 years or so.
I’ll never be a other teressa type or Promethius, bringing knowledge to liberate mankind… I have no illusions about who I am & what I’m capable of… However, I know this… If I can pass on these skills & knowledge onto someone else & it helps them move forward somehow in their life… Trust me, I will be “over the moon” knowing that because of me someone’s life is better. I’ve experinced a little bit of what it feels like with a young man i mentored called Michelle… Ironically from Sierra Leone… There’s a story here too… I won’t go into all of it now but IAN (in a nutshell)
Met him in the library in Chelmsofrd while I was doing my daily study.
He ask me for my advice after casing me for a few days…
I was happy to help…really… I haden’t been asked for my help many times in my life at this point… I was 33
After talking to him…it transpired that he was experincing almost the exact same situation I had when I was at university in 1996 studying architecture, well failing to study, which was the issue…
At the end of my first year of architecture at Westiminster University, London I had been called to the Dean for a sitdown with my Mother, where he began work on my new bumhole… by the time was through my mother now knew that I hadn’t attended any lectures or done any asignments (i had actually been to one) & it was his recommendation that I leave uni for a year to decide of this was really something I wanted to make a career out of…
I left the office with my mum & my brand new arsehole… Cutting a long story short I had come up with the idea of applying to another university right now for this semester, it was September, the biggining of the academic year. So a deal was made…if I could get into another school for this semester then I wouldn’t be brought back to Nigeria…to continue my education, in disgrace.
I managed to get into Portsmouth… where I contd. my degree…I would later change to studying Fine Art, where I graduated with a 2.1… returning to Lagos where my family were waiting to shower me with praise & could finally be proud of me…
Michelle was experincing somehitng simlar where he had just failed the first year& headn;’t tolfd his parents yet, or he may have just told them. The point is that he now was facing the prospect of having to go back to Sierra Leone as a punishment for failing…
I couldn’t belive how much we had in common. He was 18 likje me in 1996. He was studying architecture… & was facing the same concequence.
I told him my story & suggested he do the same. We made a deal where I would tutor/ mentor him through this situation but he had to do exactly as I said, not deveiate from the plan in any way… We began applying for new schools that night…
Michelle graduted form Greenwhich University with degree in Fine Art.
He also makes daily art practice a way of life…
